That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just want to make out with him forever
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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