took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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