I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
