At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
