I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
