she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
