At least make sure they are 18
Why
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
