don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
