In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
