then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
