We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
