I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize