Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
