Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's blow job season.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
