Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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