dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize