ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
