mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
