And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
