the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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