Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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