Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
