I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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