mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
