A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
