I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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