Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
