How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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