Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
