I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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