dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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