You can't motorboat a personality
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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