My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
