(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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