Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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