WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
