He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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