life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
