i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
