I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
