I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
