I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
