forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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