nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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