Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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