Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
