before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
