What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
