if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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