M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
