i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My ATM looks so different sober.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize