NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm too high and old for this...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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