the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
