Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
