Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
