If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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