Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
