My liver just broke up with me...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
