I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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