im about as happy as oj after his trial
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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