Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just had sex on a roof
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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