friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
