Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
