oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
