There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
