her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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