I think I just saw someone hide a body.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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