I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
