Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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