Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
