he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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