shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I smell like Dick and happiness
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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