I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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