i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
