I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
