so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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