I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
