the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
