Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
