so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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