I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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