I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize